Chickens in the Basement

I love to write and I love to laugh. When I write, I get to the point quick. My stories would fit on the back of a postcard. They usually make me chuckle. And you know what they say, "It's all about me!"

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Stink Bug Orgy

Last week, we were headed off to the beach for a couple of days. Before going, I had to make sure The Girls were taken care of. The water tank was nearly empty and had more mosquito larvae floating in it than I cared to have chewing on my naked legs in the weeks to come!

I hauled the tank up to the faucet and filled it to the top. Since I had already dressed for the trip, I didn't want the tank bumping up against my legs on the way back to the chicken house. Not wanting to play the "female card", I got creative and grabbed the grasshopper (my seat on wheels I use when pulling weeds), propped the water tank on top and headed down the hill.

When I stopped to readjust the tank, I saw a group of bugs crawling around on the handle.

On closer look, I realized all the bugs were paired up. Not only were they paired up, they were end to end. I immediately had flashbacks to dogs who somehow got twisted around during the sex act and couldn't get apart. (The boy dog always looks like he's in pain and the girl just looks humiliated!)

Do you think I scared the stink bugs so much when I snatched up the grasshopper and tossed the water tank on top that they spun around and got stuck? I have to wonder!

Admit it! You read the title and couldn't resist reading it! Right?

Sunday, July 18, 2010

My Clucking Reputation

Boy! I have been remiss! Ya'll wouldn't believe the beautiful things that have been showing up in my mailbox! I'm beginning to realize that I have a bit of a reputation...

a "chicken" reputation!

My buddy Stacey sent this beautiful hanky to me! I was thrilled when I opened an envelope and found this cutey! She has an antique store in Maryland near DC. I can't wait to visit!

Isn't this apron adorable? And check out the close-up of the chicken!

One day, I'm going to figure out how to turn my collection of chicen aprons into a vallance in the laundry room. Won't that be cute?

This cute little hot pad is right up my alley!

And, look at this finger tip towel. Anyone attempting to dry their tips on this cutey might get a smack to the back of the head!

Check this out! My friend, Kelly, made this. She makes all sorts of mosaics with all kinds of fun stuff. Check out her blog to see what she is up to. Look at the butter dish at the top of her page.

Thanks so much for thinking of me Kelly!

I can't wait to play with this jello mold! I didn't have one of these! Can you believe it? If only I could get blogger to upload photos the way I saved them!

These cute ornaments and a few of the chickens came from my buddy Gin. She was my swap partner for the Year of Enchantment swap for the month of June. I'm sad to say, Gin is still waiting for her ornaments from me! Don't give up on my Gin, they are coming!

The theme this month is Gnomes! Isn't his little face adorable?

Gin had an extra pattern for this, too. I think I have seen these before. Once you sew it together, you add a brick to the bottom to make the chicken stand up straight. I can't wait for time to play with this!

A note came with the goodies from Gin...Do chickens and gnomes get along?

Answer: I hope so because this box is filled with both!

Thanks Gin!

Last month, I won this treasure from Pixie! I have spent hours perusing the pages of this work of art.

Isn't the cover beautiful!

It's filled with crochet patterns. I wish I knew how to follow these patterns and create beautiful clothes!

Like this adorable apron that should never be worn while making biscuits...unless "making biscuits" is your code word for "meet me in the bedroom!"

Vintage adds were included in the book.

And my favorite part is this handwritten ditty:

Cant write shall be drunk
With my little wigger wagger in my hand
Wrigh dodwn the curains I shall
be drunk a Mondgy night,
Something had been erased after the coma. I wish I could make it out! Don't you wonder who wrote this, how drunk they were at the time, and whether Mama beat the crap out of them when she found this poetry in her pretty book?
Thanks so much for spoiling me! I miss you all!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Ignorance is Bliss Until...

Tonight, we headed off to a Durham Bull's baseball game to see one of my old-man-friends sing the Star Spangled Banner. Who knew the seated tickets would be sold out and standing room only was even an option? Twenty eight dollars later, we were walking around the stadium looking for a fence to lean against.

We saw an empty picnic table and headed in that direction. We would be able to see Hy, a WW II veteran and USO volunteer, stand on home plate and sing. We had about 15 minutes before the game started, so we grabbed a plate and headed through the line for some food. Once we got close to the end of the line, I realized there was no cash register to pay. The lady behind me said, "That's the beauty of these tickets!"

DING! DING! DING! Somehow we had wondered into a private box, loaded plates...Tony even had a beer in one hand, and no one had stopped us! Do we throw everything away and leave or do we shovel down the food and leave quickly and hope no one confronts us? Before I could make the decision, the boys were happily chowing down and wondering why all I had on my plate was baked beans. I just couldn't add a burger once I knew we were gate crashers!

Sotta voce', I whispered, "Eat quickly!" Not knowing who had invited all of the folks in the box, I didn't know if they were watching us. Hiding guilt is not my specialty! Just one look and he would know we didn't belong.

Thank heavens everyone wolfed down their food. As we were leaving, I think the owner spotted us and started our way. We avoided eye contact, fled up the stairs past the security person who had returned to her post, and blended into the crowd before we could be confronted!

Hy sang beautifully! I was so proud of him and so ashamed of us! Happy Fourth of July!

Saturday, July 3, 2010


Hey Guys!

Thanks for the e-mails of concern! I have been trying to find time to sit down and write, but by the time I do all of the things I have to do every day, it's bed time! I've had to instate a self-imposed rule that I'm not allowed to play on the computer until all of my chores are done. Sad to say, the list of chores is kicking my ass!

Since I've been out of touch so long, I'm going to write this like I write my Christmas letter every year. You'll get a little bit about a lot of stuff going on in our neck of the woods!

I guess the biggest thing...I've accepted a full time position with the USO of NC. I love the work, the people, the soldiers, everything about the job except the pay. However, when I consider the lack of opportunities knocking on my door, the pay is pretty damn good!

While getting myself established at work, the boys are now out of school and as of the second day at home, bored to tears! I've been leaving them a list of chores everyday. Instead of ending the "I'm bored" comments, they've improved their vocabulary with comments like "I don't want to" and "Didn't that used to be your job?" and "Why do I have to vacuum more than Will/Rick?"

I think the boredom issue may not be as bad after this coming week when Will gets his driver's license. They can visit the pool, go to the grocery store for me, drive to band practice, or go visit friends. I will be a permanent truck driver and Will will drive the station wagon. How cool is he? Now, if I just control my anxiety once he pulls out of the driveway!

The boys and I did get away for a couple of days at the beach. And for the first time since we had children, we are at home for the week of the 4th of July. I miss being in the mountains where the temperature is at least 10 degrees cooler!

My flock of chickens has shrunk. Last week, I was carrying Cora from the garage to the hen house. Skippy was in the yard with the other girls. He walked towards me and started flaring up to fight. He jumped at me with his spurs aimed at my legs. I kicked him. He jumped 5 more times and he received 5 more kicks before leaving. There were no problems the next day at bed time. But a couple of days later, I once again was holding Cora and Skippy jumped again. I figured he was jealous of me holding Cora. Skippy and I went to war again. The feather's flew! Okay, jealousy we can deal with. Cora can walk by herself. Alas, the final straw was the next morning. I opened the door to the hen house and started to walk in to check food supply. Skippy jumped again. I made the decision then and there to let Skippy go. We have too many boys hanging out at our house for him to be unreliable. If he'll jump at me, he'll jump at anybody. Thankfully, Tony did the deed for me.

While Will and I were watching TV, he discreetly went into the back yard. A few minutes later, I heard the door to the basement slam. I told Will I thought Dad had just taken care of Skippy. He looked at me horrified and said, "You mean he slammed him in the door?"

No time for yard sales, thrift stores or auctions! I'm missing my junk fixes badly! No time for blogging, but I have managed to snap a few shots of funny things I've seen. This swamp turtle was in my front yard! The close up looks more like a pile of poop!

Several years ago, I came across an enormous swamp turtle crossing a highway. I was afraid it would get hit by a car, so I got out to help it across the road. When I got near it, it started coming toward me hissing. I backed my ass up, got in my car and left him, secretly hoping an 18 wheeler would finish his hissing ass off!

I find entertainment everywhere I go. Lately, I have found several license plates funny enough to make me laugh. I couldn't get a photo of the first one, but wrote it down:


This really applies to me! I need a pit-stop every 30 minutes or so! The next one I get behind every day on the way to work. The first time I saw it, there was a FOR SALE sign in the window. The car could be yours for $175. The personalized plates cost half that amount every year!

So, my plan is to get through the summer. I'll write when I can squeeze it in. Once everybody gets back in school, things should mellow a little and I'll be back. In the meantime, have a good summer and know I'm wondering what ya'll are up to. I'll drop in to read when I finish my chores!