Good Guys Don't Always Wear White

This morning, I decided to take several bags of squished hot dog rolls over to my neighbor's livestock crew. You know the saying, "No good deed goes unpunished?" Well I got my punishment this morning!

The animals always get excited when they see me coming with a trash bag because they know it's leftovers. About 100 ducks and chickens, two llamas, a sheep, a pony and two emus started pushing their heads through the fence and shoving others away so they will be first.

I broke apart the first bag and started handing them out. One of the emus, the black llama and the pony were the hungriest. Did you know an emu can swallow a whole hot dog bun in one gulp? However, I did discover that hamburger buns stick to the roof of their mouths with bun hanging out on either side. Have you ever had to wrestle the head of an emu to pry the bun loose? I have.

I love buns!

So, the big guys were getting their buns whole while I shredded buns for the littler birds. Finally, the white llama and a sheep came over for food. One bun to the sheep...yum! yum! One handed to the white llama and bad attitude all over both of us. She leaned her head forward, rared back and let it fly. Llama spit in my hair and on my shirt. Thank heavens I hadn't had my shower yet or I really would have thrown a hissy fit! Instead, I rared back and pelted her with hot dog buns. I think she won!

The good llama (I'm afraid the white one will spit on my camera!)

I am thankful that it is spit llamas sling instead of something that rhymes with spit! I'm off to the shower!

In Pursuit of Photographs

Yesterday, I typed up the previous post and thought I would run across the street to take photos and feed the roosters in the chicken tractor. I grabbed a bag of rubbery carrots to share with the critters in the pasture.

The Escape Goat met me at the gate. I tossed him a carrot. This kept him busy while I opened the gate and let myself in. Unfortunately, it also alerted all of the other animals in the pasture that I was there and carrying food. Within 10 steps, I was surrounded. I tried to pass out carrots, but patience is NOT a virtue for livestock. I decided I would just empty the bag of carrots on the ground, leaving the critters to scrap for them, and head on over to feed the chickens and get my photos.

The carrots were a distraction for about 8 seconds. I found myself flanked by a huge black llama to the left, Nelson the Pony to the right, an emu leaning over my right shoulder, the Escape Goat and a few friends climbing up the front of me, and chickens sitting on the fence, thinking about jumping on my head! All I could think of is please don't let them trample me here and what an embarrassing way to die! With the bucket of chicken food held high over my head, the llama and emu still managed to get a couple of corn kernels.

Thinking fast, I flung half of the food out of the bucket and ran for the chicken tractor. I considered climbing in with them, but figured I had really pissed them off the night before and they might want to peck my eyes out! Instead, I opened the door, dumped the remainder of their food inside, and turned to escape. Again, I was surrounded. This time, I had nothing. No carrots, no corn kernels, no chicken food. One of the goats started chewing on my shirttail. Nelston the Pony started chewing on my plastic bucket. The emus kept looking me in the eye (being pecked by the chickens didn't seem to be so bad any more)! The llamas and goats kept shoving their heads in the bucket with hopes of traces of food.

I finally made it back to the gate, but had multiple animals wanting to leave with me. Guess who got out. That Escape Goat! I enticed him back to me by holding out my empty plastic bucket and he came running. He isn't the brightest bulb in the pasture! I grabbed him by one of his horns, picked him up, opened the gate, held all of the others back, and deposited him on the pasture side of the gate.

With hoof prints on the front of me, more crap on my shoes, and bite marks on my shirt tail, I rushed home to my well behaved dog and 4 chickens. From now on, I know which side of the fence I belong on!