Shut Up, Anna

Tonight, I went to an auction by myself. Ususally, Susie goes with me. She often acts as my filter. She pointed out that people thought we were a couple because I would say something to embarrass myself and would lean over and hide my face in her shoulder. We have been known to cause a room to go dead quiet at a party when one of us would say, "Let me introduce you to my partner." We learned to add business in front of partner which eliminated explanations that we were married, but not to each other.

But I digress...When I arrived at the auction, Mr. Hamm, the 70-something year-old man who goes to auctions for entertainment the way most folks go to the movies, was sitting next to the chair with my name on it. Like always, he handed me a piece of peppermint candy. He always banters and since I never know when to shut up, I give back as good as I get. Throughout the auction, Mr. Hamm told me stories about the things he and his wife have built, what he has bought and stored in one of the many sheds in his yard, and how his wife crochets two blankets every week to send to the soldiers in Iraq.

After his purchase of a metal desk/filing cabinet/safe for $2 and my purchase of a cute wood and punched tin jelly cupboard ($25) and vintage cashmere and mink coat, pink dress and blue shoes ($1), I paid and went over to tell Mr. Hamm goodnight. He asked if I was going to take the dress and shoes that came with the coat. I told him they weren't really my style, but he was welcome to them since they would look very cute on him. He said, "You'd be surprised at what I could wear." I said, "I bet I could pull off the outfit you are wearing better than you could pull off the one in the box." Where is Susie when I need her? Anna, stop talking! Just shut up! I made a quick exit after getting strange looks from folks sitting nearby. They thought I was telling Mr. Hamm that I would pull his clothes off! Nothing like a 43 year-old woman sounding like she is threatening to undress a 70 year-old man in the middle of an auction!

No more auctions by myself, and no more sitting next to Mr. Hamm!