Chickens in the Basement

I love to write and I love to laugh. When I write, I get to the point quick. My stories would fit on the back of a postcard. They usually make me chuckle. And you know what they say, "It's all about me!"

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Pregnant at 44? Aw, Hell NO!

This morning, I had an appointment with my dentist for my annual cleaning. Each year, they give me the same form with various questions about my health. As I was filling it out, I came upon this question:

Are you pregnant? __yes ___no

I started to write in "HELL NO" but thought that might be rude so I scratched a huge X in the NO blank! Yesterday was my 44th birthday. If by some miracle I fell pregnant, I would go into a massive tailspin! I'm too old, too comfortable, and too selfish to return to that time in my life. Plus, I'm happy to have boys old enough to understand my requests and the consequences should they choose to ignore them...and, they can tie their own shoes!

After my dentist appointment, I stopped by the library to trade in some books on CD. Apparently, it was story time because there wasn't a single empty parking space in the lot and lurkers were getting nasty and aggressive whenever a car backed out.

Once inside, I was surrounded by moms pushing double strollers, often empty and trying to chase down it's riders. Other mothers had their youngest babies strapped to their bodies while they carried piles of children's books and tried to keep sight of their more mobile toddlers. If I had more time, I would have sat down and watched the escapades, but I would have had to remove one of the little girls competing to show off their hand stands and yoga poses from one of the child-filled chairs.

The little girls were the most entertaining, I guess because they are such foreign creatures to a mother of all boys. One cutey had on her pink dress and red cowboy boots (NOTE: It is August and 102 degrees today). That mother learned what I also learned early on...choose your battles! Will (my oldest) wore his cowboy boots with shorts the entire summer of his 3rd year. (NOTE: Foot odor starts at a very young age!) Another little girl was walking around in her satin, poofy princess outfit. I guess anything goes at story time. In the bathroom, I nearly dropped a little girl to the floor when I opened the door to my stall while she was leaning against it. She looked at me like I was the meanest old lady in the world.

On my way out the door, I got behind a mom who looked like she pulled on shorts with the shirt she had slept in and never thought to brush her hair. I offered her a sympathetic smile, but her tired eyes were so glazed over, she never even saw me. She carried a little baby and was followed by a 2-ish year old little boy. He dropped one of the books he was carrying, bent over to pick it up, then changed his mind and laid on the floor to read. Thank heavens my reflexes are good! I nearly stepped on him.

My advice to any 44 year old woman considering having a child? Go to the library on Harp's Mill Road in Raleigh at 10:00 on a Tuesday morning, stand in a corner and watch. Then, go to the mental health section and check out a book on finding your lost mind!


Jenny S said...

Oh helllll, I am only 32 and don't want another one! I see my friends posts who have more than one kid and DO NOT want another one!!!

Kate Spike and Her KatS said...

For reasons unknown to me, I never ever wanted any kids and have always been more than happy to leave the joy of parenthood to my sisters and the rest of the world. Occasionally in my child-bearing years I'd get these little twinges, you know, but my cure was simply offering to spend the day with my godson (whom I love dearly). We'd have all the fun you could possibly have and then I'd take him home, give him back, and visit the neighborhood bar. Great post, Ms. Chickens!

Mary said...

I haven't the patience to visit the library when it's story time...those nasty little darlings are part of my past too!

Gaylene said...

Oh, it's totally different when they're your own children though! Not at all the same as seeing the library shenanigans. I had my little daughter when I was 45 last year and am so glad we have her!

We have a grown daughter that I had at 22, and I wouldn't trade either girl for the world!

Being a mom is the best thing in the world. No job even comes close!

Mermaids of the Lake said...

You are sooooooo funny! Very entertaining!