Sunday, I was flying home from Akron, Ohio. I can always pick out who will be sitting next to me as they come down the aisle. This guy was easy to spot! His face was orange with leprosy undertones. Plus, he was huge...not in a fat way. How am I going to look him in the eye without giggling?
Of course, he tossed his bags on the floor beside me and climbed in. Right off the bat, he explained that he was on his way to Canada to visit a company who makes tanning lotion for body builders. He said he didn't usually walk around looking so, well, orange. I hope their expectations are low!
The girl on the other side of me looked like she was having a tough time. Her eyes couldn't stay open and her head fell on her tray table whenever it was safe to have it down. All I could think was the whole plane would have the Swine Flu by the time we got to Detroit! She managed to raise her head and whisper-ask me if I had any Tylenol. Yes, I do. I handed her the bottle and asked if she was really sick. She whispered, "Just hung over." Yea! Not contagious! Booo! We might see groceries!
Back to the Orange Man. Since he is a body builder, he eats loads of protein meals each day. He reached into his backpack and pulled out two bags of tuna and ripped them open. The smell immediately filled the economy class cabin. Miss Hangover rolled her head and her eyes toward Orange Man without lifting it from her tray table. She glared at him and swallowed hard. I immediately began digging in my seat back pocket for the vomit bag! I didn't hand it to her for fear it would produce the expected. However, it was in easy reach and partially open. Orange Man shoveled in tuna like he was eating chocolate cake!
He turned out to be a rather interesting guy and we chatted throughout the short flight. As we were coming in to the Detroit airport, the landing gear came down and we watched through the window as we returned to earth. I said to him, "Wow, that was the smoothest landing I've ever experienced." Then, the tires slammed into the ground disproving what I had just said. I looked at him with shame on my face and said, " You're going to tell everybody in Canada 'I sat next to the stupidest woman on the plane!' aren't you?" That's okay, I'm telling everyone I sat next to an Orange Man!
BONUS! No vomit bags were destroyed during this flight! And, at least my "freak magnet" keeps me entertained! I was too chicken to take any photos!
3 hours ago