Chickens in the Basement

I love to write and I love to laugh. When I write, I get to the point quick. My stories would fit on the back of a postcard. They usually make me chuckle. And you know what they say, "It's all about me!"

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I'm So Embarrassed...On So Many Levels!

Last night before bed, I took care of my nightly prep...pj's on, teeth brushed, electric blanket plugged in, and, the first of multiple trips to the potty. As I jumped up and flushed, I thought I saw a reddish tinge going down the toilet. I made a mental note to check before flushing in the morning.
This morning, before my eyes were open good, I headed straight to the potty. I was proud of myself for remembering to check before flushing. I finished my business, had a look in the potty and, yep, there was definitely red in the toilet.
Next stop, my laptop. According to google, any time there is visible blood in the urine, you should see a doctor immediately. Great! Saturday morning doctor appointments are first come, first serve. I loaded up with quilting squares to work on while I waited.
Once I got signed in and waited about 10 minutes, the nurse handed me a plastic cup and showed me to the bathroom. Now, even though the cup is about the size of a Dixie cup, I felt like I was trying to pee into a straw! I managed to catch a few ounce and wear a few. Once I cleaned up my arm, leg the seat, the floor and rinsed of the container so not to gross out the tester, I looked closely at the pee inside the cup. Clear as a bell...or at least, as clear as a bell floating in yellow pee.

Now, I was beginning to wonder what in the world was going on. I have no pain, no more blood in my urine; I've paid my $35 co-pay; I'm hanging out in room full of obviously sick people. Would it be rude to just go home? I justified staying by convincing myself that I would have huge kidney stones if I left without talking to the doctor first.

When the nurse took me to my room after embarrassing me by making me stand on the scales (I threatened to bop her if she told me the number on the digital read-out!), I asked if the urinalysis showed anything. She said she couldn't see anything that caused her alarm.
I waited a little longer for the doctor to come in. She confirmed that my urine was as healthy as could be and looked at me with a wrinkled forehead. When I confessed that the urine had been red both times in my back bathroom, but no where else, she suggested I go home and clean my toilet. Thank heavens she had a smile on her face when she said this!
So, ya'll have always been nice to me and thought my idiosyncrasies were charming. Does this make you want to change your mind and delete my blog from your list of favorites? My new blog name will be Dingbat in the Basement!


Linda said...

I am so laughing with you on this one! I especially like your description of peeing into that little tiny cup! ROTFL! Ok, no honey I'm a bigger fan now then even before!

Pixie said...

now that sounds like something i would do!

Llyn M said...

$35..well spent to confirm that you are a lousy housekeeper!?! At least now you know for sure! Priceless!!! LOLOL!!!

*Ulrike* said...

Too funny! If you are on well water like we are and as hubby pointed out to me the other day, some of the dirt is falling into the well due to all of this rain leaving the water a yucky color. At least its a good thing though, you're not sick!

Em said...

That is SO funny!!! I won't delete you from my blog list any time soon! Hilarious!

alice said...

That was so funny! I could right up there with you! thanks for the chuckle. glad i found your blog.
smiles, alice

Jenny S said...

hehehe!!! I just cleaned Kyle and Jason's upstairs potty. I told Jason in no uncertain terms that if it ever got that bad before he told me again...I would make him clean it with his toothbrush!! hehehe!

LemonyRenee' said...

LOL! I'm laughing at you as well as myself because, I swear, I'd have done the exact same thing -- but not before shaking my husband by the lapels for an explanation and heartfelt reassurance that I wasn't dying.

I'm glad all is well.

The Queen of Clearance. said...

you are too funny! You are always making me laugh!

Louisiana Momma said...

sounds so like something I would do.. but not nearly as expensive as my son's flushing a washcloth down the toilet experiment recently - and yes he lived to tell the story .. this time..

bad penny said...

it's called Bloggers's curse ... all housework suspended due to Blogging xx

Missy AKA Little Messy Missy said...

Hahahahaha..... oh boy I just don't know what to say.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I just fond your blog through a comment you felt on another blog. I'm now in love with your blog.

Anonymous said...

I am still laughing at this one. You are so funny. I love the description of peeing in a cup. I thought I was the only one who could not get but a little in a cup and everywhere else was pee. Thanks so much for you blog. Love it.

Jill said...

I don't even know what to say!! This is so funny on so many levels--especially that you had the courage to blog about it!!!!

Vintage Christine said...

Pee hee hee!! I'll bet there's not a woman out there who can direct the stream into the cup without a little going in the opposite direction. At least now that I'm old there's never a problem producing a nice cup full. You ARE the funniest girl!