Chickens in the Basement

I love to write and I love to laugh. When I write, I get to the point quick. My stories would fit on the back of a postcard. They usually make me chuckle. And you know what they say, "It's all about me!"

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Odds and Ends and Boobs

This morning, we headed out the driveway to wait for the bus and were met by this beautiful site. All of the sailors should stay home today!
Red sky in mourning,
Sailors take warning!

Once Rick got on the bus, I rushed to let the chickens out and to grab a shower. No deodorant today because I was off for my yearly mammogram. (Don't worry, I dosed up when I got home!) I even shaved my legs, not that anyone will be seeing them!
Just in time, I was ready and off for my 8:55 appointment. I handed over my license and insurance card to the woman at the desk. She looked at me sort of strangely. I figured my appointment had somehow missed getting on the schedule when the intake woman said, "You're here at the right time but on the wrong day. Your appointments for tomorrow." Well, dammit all!
In my mind, I went through the discussion I had last week when I scheduled this appointment. I remember not scheduling on Monday because the kids would be out of school for Martin Luther King Day. Tuesday, they could see me at 11 or Wednesday I could come in early. Yep, wrong day.
As I sat there feeling like a dunce, the very nice intake woman asked one of the boob smashers if they could fit me in. She said they could. Thrilled not to have to return tomorrow, I followed her to the boob smashing equipment. Each girl was thoroughly squished twice. I think she mashed extra hard so I will never show up early for a mammogram again!
On Saturday, it was finally warm enough for me to help a friend with a chore that has been on both of our lists for a couple of weeks. A tree that was planted on her postage stamp sized front yard just after the house was built was sending out roots the size of my truck. It was buckling side walks, tipping rock walls and heading for her foundation.
I grabbed my electric chain saw and headed over. Apparently, no one in her neighborhood had ever seen a chainsaw-wielding, truck driving mother before! They came out to watch as I plugged in my favorite yard tool and went to work. I have to admit, I felt sorry for the real estate agent who showed up in the middle of the activity to set up for an open house directly across the street. I know he thought the red-necks had killed any chance of sell for the day. He probably called the owners, too, and asked them to reduce their price!
That's me in the red!
The best part...once the tree was cut up, I let my friend's daughter (who has never driven a car before) pull my truck up so we could load the wood. The gas pedal sticks, which I forgot to tell her, so after a few attempts to get the truck moving, she stomped the gas, jumped the curb, went into the yard, then bounced back down. I was in hysterics! My friend admitted she might have hit the child had she been in the truck. Instead of money going to insurance and car payments for this child to drive, I suggested she apply it toward a chauffeur!
Yep, that real estate guy was glad to see my tail-lights!


Barbara said...

Dang! What a week! Glad your boobies recovered from their day early squash. Bet the real estate agent would never approach you, now that he's seen you with a chain saw!!

Linda said...

Glad to know someone else calls it boob smashing! LOL....mine is due soon! Glad they went ahead and took you, very nice of them.

Missy AKA Little Messy Missy said...


Jenny S said...

Yup, time to go get the girls squished! So much fun! Just posted my favorite photo! Come see!

Stacey said...

Always exciting to show private body parts to complete strangers. Can't think of anything I enjoy more!
As for the chainsaw, you're a far braver woman than I!

bad penny said...

what a laugh - how to really upset a what we call an Estate Agent - a chain saw would work every time - bet the viewers ran a mile !

I get appointments wrong all the time - glad they literally squeezed you in !!!

Vintage Christine said...

When I get a mammo, I always pay the extra $5 for the little pad and it makes a HUGE difference. Almost pleasant. Almost. I am in awe of you, oh electric chainsaw-wielding woomon!

*Ulrike* said...

I had my yearly boob smashing done earlier this month, and got a good report! I would have been right there with you cutting that tree up or else letting you cut, and I would have loaded. Older trucks do have their little quirks, don't they!

Mary said...

Well you didn't tell me the other half of it about the tree felling AND almost a truck disaster! Hope the haircut went well - he's such a polite kid, I know you're proud of him.

I hope to bring Paula by the shop Sat. Our big trip plan is progressing but it's a real headache trying to get me a plane to get there - have a flight back dumb is that!!!